Do you have any Friends Who Constantly Lie and deceive you? I hate to admit it but I sure do. I constantly ask myself why I continue to allow this person around me. I mean really? I know that every time I get around him and his friends that before the night is over, Vegas odds would be at 100 to 1 that dumb drama and pure pandemonium will eventually break out. Sadly enough, recently being around my old friend only seemed to confirm that this is one person that I truly have to make the hard choice to once and for all cut the cord. Difficult, Deceptive, and Dangerous, people like to pretent as if they live in a perfect world, and if things were perfect a blog like this wouldn't need to be written, and you wouldn't need to read it. Unfortunately we live in the real world, where a good deal of people will partake in unusually deceptive and destructive actions, in order to advance their personal interests at all costs, or simply for the pleasure of causing others misery!
So lets move on, The sad truth is this so called friend of mine is beyond my ability to rescue him, and his core crowd who are the poster children for the term “low rent ghetto trash trailer park specialists” especially his on again off again girlfriend, who most certainly did not let me down after not seeing her for over a year, it did not take long to notice that nothing has changed. Yep, once again she was true to her pathetic uneducated sad standard as the lonesome loser and was as usual the ring leader of some noon-day soap opera who will do anything to get this guys attention. I’m sure you have heard of the soap opera “The Young and The Restless” well their show would be called ‘The Blind Leading the Blind”
The best defense against these underhanded tactics is awareness. Ultimately, manipulation is about power and control. My old friend is a true Master Manipulator. I mean Wow? I have forgiven this guy over and over and he even slept with my ex-wife and had a two year love affair with her why I was still married to her. He really is a very miserable sad person, and he preys on targets that are Vulnerable and Weak. As for my old fair weather friend and his estranged girlfriend or what ever she is to him? I would use the word whipping post or crash test dummy. These two clearly remind me of the roles we watched “Meg Ryan” and “Val Kilmer” play in the Jim Morrison story, this crazy woman and her very rude and deceptive backbiting friend who has a four year old and her husband who I have known longer then anyone in the house including his very own dope doing wife, was out of town on business. The vindictive deceptive friend of my fair weather pal’s girlfriends friend, was not only enticing a fight, she was doing her best to intentionally make me feel as uncomfortable and unwanted as anyone could possibly make someone feel, and she to was doing drugs right along with the rest of them.
O’ and did I mention that my so called buddy’s girlfriend who is clearly a wack job also lives with her mother, or should I say, her mother lives with her. Yep, the old lady was upstairs and is apparently oblivious to what was going on I guess? Let's take a few minutes and look for the signals that are flashing on my old freind like a Yield Sign at a Elementry School Bus Stop. Here are some warning signs of potentially manipulative or deceptive people. There is a bravado and extreme risk taking with no regard for consequences. There is an unreasonable behaviour with frequent plays for your pity. They oddly maintain perfect cool & calm under what should be severely stressful circumstances. There is an exaggerated sense of entitlement and an excessive need for control.
You immediately from the first few minutes get along like new lovers on the beach; the person is incredibly charming; he uses very direct flattery early on; you actually catch them in blatant lies and they gloss over it as if it’s no big deal, or again get you to feel sorry for them. They believe their own ganders of illusion and are delusional with the idea that they have an impeccable track record of previous high power positions. The person sees no hypocrisy in one moment gunning for you, and the next being your best buddy. He is extremely adept at spotting and explaining group politics and power games. The person always seems to cling really tight around the most powerful or influential person in the group, gang, or family, like water tight buddies. They are fast talking (machine gun style) and will try to use voice control to over power you by raising and lowering their tone in an attempt to distract and confuse you. You notice, or someone else comments that "Something is just not right with this person, or this person gives you an uneasy feeling", or very commonly mentioned "Cold dead fish eyes".
So back to my story, these people have to be with out a doubt the dumbest human beings I have ever known? No wonder I never hang out with them because I just do not know how to fix stupid people. The two dumb women in the house were not only enablers to my old friend’s prescription and street dope habit, they all were also participants. O’ and did I mention that my old friend spent a few months in a North Carolina Rehab facility to escape Prison or Jail for getting caught with drugs, then to put icing on the cake he gets tossed out of rehab for doing dope why he was going through the program, and to this day he is not only a dope user, however he is also a dope dealer. This guy does not even have a driver’s license and he lies every time he starts talking.
There are Politics and Games that these monsters like to constantly play. The goal is the use of one's individual or assigned power within a group for the purpose of obtaining advantages beyond one's legitimate authority. Those advantages may include access to tangible assets, or intangible benefits such as status or pseudo-authority that influences the behavior of others. Both individuals and groups may engage these Politics. At the root of group politics is the issue of manipulation which can happen in any relationship where one or more of the parties involved use indirect means to achieve their goals. In the group environment, individuals have an incentive to achieve their goals at the expense of their family and friends, where resources are limited. These people will eat their young and not think twice about it. For example, if six people apply for one promotion, they might expect the selection to be made purely on merit. Where one of the people believes that this would put them at a disadvantage, they may use other means of coercion or influence to put themselves into an advantageous position. When the people being manipulated begin to talk to each other harshly and directly, or when other evidence comes to light such as financial results, the manipulator will have an explanation ready but will already be planning their exit, because they would rather stay in control than face a revelation which exposes their behaviour.
The aim of group politics or manipulation among friends is often over looked. Often, the goal may simply be greater power or control for its own end; or to disrepudiate a new freind or a competitor. The manipulator will often achieve career or personal goals by co-opting as many friends as possible into their plans, strengthening their own position by ensuring that they will be the last person to be accused of any wrongdoing, because they ally themselves with everyone, changing sides to suit their own personal, hidden agenda. Group politics is a major issue in friend and family circles because the individuals who manipulate their relationships consume time and resources for their own gain at the expense of the others with out any remorse once so ever.
As I think about that night with my freinds, It was very sad that both women were doing the dope right along with my old friend, and these people are in their late 30's and early 40's, acting like teenagers, and their doing this with a small beautiful four year old little girl right there in the house and two teenagers were upstairs watching and learning from the fine example that was being set before them by their pathetic aunt and her so called freinds. It was with out a doubt the pinnacle of trashy people living up to the billing of their trailer park, trashy lifestyle. I mean it was truly sad. I had reached my boiling point and I had to leave promising my self that I would never ever lay my eyes on these idiots ever again. This cord is now severed for ever. I live a very healthy upscale lifestyle and I just do not like to be around thugs, yet do to the power of love I choose to give this guy chance after chance to only be let down. I was amazed at just how vindictive both the women were and they were not only creating the hostel environment and making my old buddy the goat, they were actually trying to make me feel bad when I had done absolutely nothing wrong. I was actually somewhat baffled? So after getting away from these people I decided to do a study on their personality types and to hopefully use this experience as a benchmark to help others. What we are dealing with when it comes to my old friend is Controlled Manipulation. However Controlled or Successful Psychological Manipulation can only happen if the following factors are present:
1. Manipulator concealing
aggressive intentions and behaviors.
2. Manipulator knowing the
psychological vulnerabilities of the victim to determine what tactics are
likely to be the most effective.
3. Manipulator having a
sufficient level of ruthlessness to have no qualms about causing harm to the
victim if necessary.
Look for the vulnerabilities
that get exploited by manipulators
naïveté - victim finds it too hard to accept the idea that
some people are cunning, devious and ruthless or is "in denial" if he
is being victimized.
over-conscientiousness - victim is too willing to give manipulator the
benefit of the doubt and see their side of things in which they blame the
victim.
low self-confidence - victim is self-doubting, lacking in confidence and
assertiveness, likely to go on the defensive too easily.
over-intellectualization - victim tries too hard to understand and believes
that manipulator has some legitimate understandable reason to be hurtful.
emotional dependency - victim has a submissive or dependent personality.
The more emotionally dependent the victim is, the more vulnerable he is to
being exploited and manipulated.
There are some Psychopaths and other problem Personality Disorders that you can also look for. Some estimate that 1/25 people can consider to be either anti-social personality; sociopathic; narcissistic personality disorder; high in machiavellianism; controlling or just generally deceptive. Psychopaths are a person who have absolutely no concern for others, and have no emotional constraints which enables them to do virtually anything. Their chief aim in life is to get whatever they want through elaborate deception and games of control. Not all sociopaths are serial killers. Most just exploit others for money, or for the joy of watching them squirm emotionally. Whilst most people out there are normal, real good people (even those who sometimes try to deceive you!), a small percentage of people are utterly dangerous to your emotional and material well-being, and in extreme cases your physical well-being.
What is important to understand about personality disorders, are that they are PART OF WHO THE PERSON IS, in other words, you cannot change them. Even with intensive therapy over many years (if they co-operate which is rare), the success rate is EXTREMELY LOW. They cannot be fixed, they cannot be reasoned with. It's best to just avoid them. To conclude, the bigger the smile, the bigger the arse sphincter envy. Definition: Arse Sphincter Envy “When someone loves you soooooo very much, that he just has to screw you up the arse." So be careful of those with exaggerated smiles, as it’s a trap. Anytime someone makes a point of telling you how honest he is, you can bet he is about to screw you. My old friend is constantly worried that his dishonesty will be discovered, what he don’t realize is that ship has already sailed. However I always pay close attention to his body language and his words. It’s really sad how he makes a specific point of telling me and my friends how honest he is, and how he will never screw us Blah, Blah, Blah. . . What he doesn’t get is this, honest people don't need to tell you how honest they are, they just are. ~ Donnie Bolena
