TURNING 40, 50, or 60, IS NOT A CURSE, IT’S A BLESSING….AND GOING THROUGH A DIVORCE OR A BREAK UP IS NOT A MEANS TO AN END, IT’S THE START OF A NEW BEGINNING

Dear quitters and giver uppers’….age is only a number! So I have to ask you a question?  How is your life? Does your man or women husband or wife still turn you on? How is the sex? Is it still good? O wait, your in your 40’s 50’s. 60’s 70’s or even 80’s and I guess it time to quit?  In the bible we learn that Sara was in her 90’s when she birthed Isaac. Yea really. How old was Sarah when she and Abraham were still enjoying great sex and when Isaac was born? On this account, she would have been perhaps 90 or 91 when Isaac was born. I know right, this is amazing… Yet some of you women start going through the change and then you quit and allow your body’s to go to Hell! Men you are no different, as a matter of fact most women take better care of their body’s then us men and they even have babies…So let’s start here… First I will cover the mental and physical effects of divorce for a middle aged man or women.  I know right???  Yikes! Divorce over 40, 50, or 60, is surging. In a new survey why after all of those years couples are calling it quits and it shows, among other things, that women are most often the ones walking out and more often than not men don’t see it coming. "The divorce rate has risen for adults at all ages over the past decades," says Andrew Cherlin, Ph.D., a professor of sociology at Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore, who has researched divorce trends. Few states include age in their divorce statistics, but researchers and those involved in divorce filings say the trend is clear. "So many of this generation are sitting with the prospect of many happy, healthy years ahead of them," says Kate Vetrano, chair of the Elder Law Committee of the Family Law Section of the American Bar Association. "They're shedding their marriages in the quest for happiness." Are middle age divorcees finding happiness? Not so clear. The AARP study, which looked at couples who experienced a divorce in their 40s, 50s, or 60s, the conclusion was that individuals experiencing later-life divorce ended up "far happier and emotionally healthier than most would have dared to hope at the outset." This is definitely not the conclusion of a study at the University of Chicago, which found in short that "unhappiness persisted whether the spouses were married or divorced." Aside from the unresolved question of post-divorce happiness, the AARP study learned that the majority (66%) of midlife divorces are initiated by women. And men more often than women were caught off-guard by their divorce (the news blind-sided 26 percent of men, compared with 14 percent of women). So, what about the kids? Keeping together for the sake of the kids is the number one reason cited for not divorcing. This is especially true for dads, "58 percent of men compared with 37 percent of women cited their children as the top reason they postponed a divorce for five years or longer." The number two reason for not divorcing was split between men and women. Men citing "not believing in divorce" and women citing "financial concerns". Nearly half (47 percent) of the divorced people in the AARP study had also gone through a divorce when they were younger. "People who were somewhat traumatized by their first divorce tend to bail out sooner on the second marriage," says John Gottman, Ph.D., a noted marriage researcher and executive director of the Relationship Research Institute in Seattle. "If things aren't going well, they'll predict that they're in for the same painful experience, and they get out." So who is going to play “The Blame Game? Most women in their 40 and 50s or older said the top killers of their marriages were physical or emotional abuse, infidelity, and drug or alcohol abuse and they put almost all of the blame on their ex-husbands. On the flip side, most 40 or 50-plus men said they simply "fell out of love" or had "different values or lifestyles. Wow, I am amazed by that? Apparently a larger number of men, though not the majority, said it was their own fault. They we have to worry about the Post Divorce Relationships? A recent survey found that more than 75 percent of women in their 50s enjoyed a serious, exclusive relationship. Soon after or even before their divorce often within the first two weeks or sooner most women are already sexually involved with a new lover and partner that is meeting her needs on all cylinders mentally, physically and most of all sexually. By the way this is not a bad thing, it is simply life, we are not placed on this earth to live alone, men are made for women and women are made for men. This is why we mate and have children, it is called reproduction and is supposed to happen, man and women belong together, not men and men, or women and women, but only men and women… for me to comprehend how any man is ok with have oral or anal sex with another man takes sickness of any man to an entire new level and has to be the most crude and sickest and pathetic life anyone could ever imagine. Now to move on, 81 percent of men and women in their 40s, 50s and 60s did the same. In fact, 26 percent of all respondents were exclusively dating long before their divorce was final. Remember when reading studies dealing with human emotions and behavior that "numbers don't lie, but statistics do." Divorce is an enormously individual experience and there is only so much that can be learned from the "majority." What is nice to be seen from studies such as these is that your destiny is not predetermined no matter what path you elect to follow. It is only your choice because it is only your destiny, your journey and your life, and subject to popular opinion, who really gives a damn what your in-laws, relatives and friends may say or think? It’s your life, not theirs, and you don’t nor should you feel that you need to live your live to make others happy… I mean really, no one should live an unhappy life, and our life should not be controlled by others. Our happiness is priceless and we all have the right to live with and be with who ever make’s us happy when ever we want to be with them. PERIOD!!!!

Now let’s look at growing older, so you’re turning 50? You know what big deal? Get over it, your not dead…does this mean your sex life stops and that your supposed to stop living? To me this is all the more reason to live bigger better and strong, at least by now you should know who you are and what you want, and just because we hit our middle ages does not mean that we are to stop living… the best one for me is women who are going through the change…What the Hell is that, is that a death sentence, so your body is changing, then push through it and get over it…live young, and your body will act young.  After all isn’t the new 50 equal to turning 30? Ladies if you are turning 50, please do your self a favor and go get laid! I mean seriously! Men the same goes for you, don’t walk around like you cant get it up any more and ladies, don’t walk around like you don’t want it anymore…What a bunch of quitters…Get active, join a gym, swim some laps, start running, If I only knew then what I know now. I try to avoid thinking that because it reeks of regret. However, I find myself saying it often... mostly to women in their 20s, 30s and 40s. Why? Because, as Shakespeare once wrote, "What's past is prologue" and what we do (or don't do) in our younger years will have a huge impact on how we look and feel by the time we enter our 50s. Our earlier choices and decisions can also affect our finances, relationships, careers, and general sense of happiness later in life.

Now that I'm over 50, I look back at my younger self and wish that someone had pulled me aside, sat me down, looked me straight in the eye and told me what I'm about to tell you. For sure, many -- if not all -- of these "commandments" you intellectually already know to be true. However, your current younger you may not be emotionally ready to accept them. You might still be in that glorious, relatively carefree stage of life where you think, "Oh I don't need to think about these things now. I've got plenty of time to think about them later," which is a variation of The Ant and the Grasshopper fable from Aesop. Or, perhaps you're simply too engaged with the business of life to bother. Or, you are caught up in the very youthful idea that you are invincible.

Whatever your reason, you can choose to think about these later and spend a bit of your early 50s playing catch-up, and hope for the best. Or, you can do them now, and be far ahead of the game.

Don't Stop Networking: Whether you choose to stay home to raise children some day or work straight through, you should never stop networking, and building on that network. If you do choose to be a SAHM (stay-at-home mom) try to stay connected to your career by moving from full-time to part-time work, which will make it easier for you to move back into full-time work when you're ready.

Do Create personal trust worth friends: Whether you're looking to change jobs or careers, pursue a relationship, or end one, having a trusted group with whom you can review life's challenges, is essential. Invite several friends (or even just one) who will encourage, inspire and guide you. Having a regular group you can depend on for unbiased and objective views and advice is critical, especially as you are facing major life decisions.

Don't Smoke: Lung cancer is the number one leading cause of cancer death for women, but it is avoidable. The number one cause? Smoking, which is also associated with many other illnesses. We are considered the smarter sex, and yet women are picking up the habit more than ever before.

Go to the beach, but take care of your body: I spent my teenage summers basking in the sun at Coney Island, with baby oil mixed with iodine slathered on my body, a reflector aimed at my face. I threw away the reflector and tried to remember to put on sunscreen, but it wasn't until my mid-40s, when I saw sun damage on my face (wrinkles, brown spots) and I developed skin cancer on my chest, that I got serious. Soaking up the sun feels great and who doesn't look fabulous with a little peachy-bronzy glow. But, if you don't apply sunscreen every single day of the year, including on your neck, chest and hands, you will put yourself at high risk for skin cancer (highly avoidable) and skin that looks much older than its years (wrinkles, brown spots, sagging, leathery skin). Steer clear of tanning booths, too.

Enjoy your Sex Life: Look we all know the rules with Un-safe sex and higher risk for pregnancies and STDs, some of which are life long. Don't think because you are young, you are immune and invincible. You are not. And don't put pleasure before common sense. Make sure you know the scoop on your partner before you proceed, including your boyfriend or husband. Use condoms. Discuss your risk factors with your gynecologist, and get tested for HIV, Hepatitis B and C, and syphilis, especially when you start a new relationship. Insist that your partner does the same. But most of all have sex, have lots of great sex!!!!

Move Your Body Every Day: Get yourself into the habit of working out, and don't let excuses (even really good ones) get in the way of giving yourself this daily gift. Obesity is the culprit in many serious illnesses, including certain cancers. One third of all cancer deaths are related to obesity, physical inactivity, or poor nutrition. Make fitness a lifelong commitment.

Don't Ignore Your Young Bones: Osteoporosis is a disease of the bones that we associate with aging, and rightly so. But, it takes time to get there. Poor nutrition, specifically a lack of adequate amounts of calcium and Vitamin D (which helps the body to absorb the calcium) is partly to blame. A more powerful contributor is the lack of regular strength-training exercises.

Do Save More and Spend Less: Retirement is, presumably, years away, but it's never too early to plan for it. The more money you have when you reach 50, the less stress and anxiety you will have. One of the biggest fears among women over 50 is not having enough money to live a good life as they age. It's not always easy to do, but the sooner you start saving the better you will be down the road.

Don't Be Apathetic: We're all busy with family, work, and friends... but that's no excuse to stop thinking about causes that are important to us and to the world. The world is weary, it seems, from the economy, jobs, war, politics, and are turning away from getting involved. More than ever, we need the energy and ideas that youth can provide. Get involved, stay involved. Be the change.

Most of all Embrace Your Age, don’t run from it: Don't fight aging. Embrace it. This doesn't mean you should spend your life focused on getting older, and how to stop the process. On the contrary, live fully engaged with each year of your life, embracing the future ones with joy. It is a very powerful concept letting go of your younger self, and embracing and loving your aging self. Treat yourself with kindness and respect, and take care of you body, mind, and soul as you would your children, your family and your friends. This is how you will keep your self young…

So here is how I see it in the end, life is full of hills and valleys, and this is why we call it life. But when we start looking at our self as being old, then we start acting old and our body, mind, and soul, will agree with our way of thinking and this is how we will start acting, “OLD”! I refuse to give into old age, I choose to live, I am for sure one of the most self driven, confident men on this earth, and by having this attitude by 48 year old body feels 28, right along with my mind. So I challenge all of you, choose to live your live to its fullest each and every day no matter what life changes you may be facing, and surround your self around people who think and act young…because at the end of the day, we only live once, so why not get the beat of your life, in the end ill use a great quote from a great man named “Honest Abe Linclon”, “Its not the years in my life that will count, it is the life in my years” just like the idea to think and grow rich, we can also think and grow young ~ Donnie Bolena