I am sure I can easily get classified into PIG status if
I am not careful here, how ever I like honesty and matter of fact-ness. Once I
realized that women like to keep guys in the wings because it made them feel
safer, and because they could call on those guys at times for emotional
support, or because they needed a guy to hang out with or go shopping with or
see a movie with, then that was the moment that I became very
anti-"hanging onto a girl." There actually was a time in my life that
If I didn't sleep with a girl in at-least 2 dates,
most of the time if we were not getting jiggy with it, on the first date, I
didn't ever see her again usually by my own volition. To be
brutally honest, nowadays, it's the first date; if it doesn't happen then, it
won't happen, even if she chases me. She probably doesn't get another shot. And
most girls do chase these days, and most girls do try to get another shot after
our first date even if I didn't take them to bed. I just don't give them that
next shot, because I'd rather go onto a more promising prospect, or else work
on one of my new books or an up coming speaking event or one of my businesses.
Recently I went through a "moment of weakness" a few weeks back after
coming out of a long-term relationship, and in that moment of weakness I
actually did, for the first time in my life, the traditional
nice-guy-friend-chasing-a-girl thing. It sucked. Most of all it just was not
me. Any of you who personally know me know that I have a very cocky persona and
that I refuse to play nice. To land me you must be a Spectacular woman. Trust me that’s real.
Recently, I plowed a lot of time and effort into a girl, thinking that of course we were going to end up
together even though I did not spend a great deal of time with her. Then a few
days ago I got a phone call from an old girl friend and she was amazing and
snapped me out of my delusions, she came over and picked me up and we went and
hung out and had an amazing time together. My pretty friend reminded me of the
ABC’s on women and gave me a women knows a woman speech. She assured me that my
new sexy vixen was not sitting around and staring at the walls, and said, “come
on Donnie, you know better then this. Pretty girls don’t stay home waiting on
prince charming to show up with flowers and a ring, instead they get all dolled
up and go out and find him their-self because we can”, and she is right, and
she is drop dead beautiful so I am sure she knows what she is talking about. Ya
see Guys, a beautiful woman can go out on the town and never spend one penny
and get more attention, food, drinks, and dances then anyone. Right then and there I got my wits back and I
finally understood what nice guys must go through. It was a big slap in the face.
Even though I am not your average nice guy, I am a true southern gentleman and
I do no how to treat a lady in every aspect of the word “TREAT” I do believe
that the best way to get over somebody, is to get under somebody…Part of my
personal laws of attraction.
So, I did lose a step here and I must've had the wrong idea about her and
me; but now I have to go hit the dating pool pretty hard. I guess we will see
what happens? If she starts chasing me
hard, and is all desperate and needing to talk and wondering where I'd been one
night then the truth will surface either way we will know soon enough. Who knows she may go quiet and disappear for
a while maybe forever? Maybe one day she will decide the overwhelming value I'd
provided to her life before was sorely missed in my absence, and she'd finally
decided she wanted to get together. However my moment of weakness is gone, and
I may end up seeing her as pretty thick-skulled for not realizing the best
thing in her life (me) and grabbing onto it with a vice grip when she had the
chance. The truth is most men
naturally assume that it’s the MAN who must pursue the woman. But guys who are
naturals at succeeding
with women don’t buy into this belief and it’s a big part of why they’re
always with the most attractive women. What would your life be like if instead
of chasing women, women chased you? Use “reverse rapport”~ “Reverse rapport” is when you say and do the opposite of
what a guy would do when he’s trying to make a woman like him… but in a
sarcastic, overly serious way that assumes the woman already knows, likes and
trusts you. The objective here is NOT to try to be sweet and wonderful and nice
in order to win her approval. How do you do this? Well, one way is to use a
sarcastic comment that’s the OPPOSITE of what a woman wants to hear. Or answer
a question a woman asks you with an answer that’s the opposite of what she
expects, all in a very sarcastic tone that implies you’re making fun of her.
When you do, you’ll create a deep, polarity-charged connection with her that
will get her pursuing you in no time flat. I see things a lot differently these days.
Look I am a pretty handsome and very confident man. I have made some great
achievements in my life and I have also fallen from grace. However, I have
never lost my swag. To be honest, I do get a ton of text from many different
women, and many times I don't even notice if one of these ladies’s has not even
responded to me until maybe much later and
perhaps not at all. So, for all my earlier "principles"
on being 100% reliable in responding to those who contacted me, I'm now sitting
at somewhere decidedly below a 100% response rate maybe 85%, maybe 90%. I still
try to respond most
times, but it's no longer an unbreakable rule if I don’t. The reason why I
changed both in how I see it when women don’t respond, and in why I don't chase women anymore and why I don't always respond
when women chase me anymore
is what I will to share with you here. I will be brutally honest here, so I
would say strap in, because I am sure there will be some women who will not get
what I am saying, and that is Ok, but those of you who do get what I am saying
will enjoy this blog. First of all, women lie just like men all of the time.
Look guys, be yourself, because either she is going to like you, not like you, or use you, however don’t get all star
struck with her right out of the gate. Give yourself some time to get to know
her. For example if a woman tells me that she is just not interested in a relationship
right now, I immediately call “BULL SHIT”! What she is really saying is that
she is not interested a relationship with me right now or maybe ever. Look
guys, every woman wants to be in love, and the truth is, she is holding out for
a better offer. And Guys, don’t dwell on that, if the chick don’t want you,
then why would you want her? Your just setting your self up for disaster, look
be nice to her, and bang her brains out if she lets you, and make her a friend
with benefits, and keep on keeping on. That is a win–win situation and a no
brainer for me. Because trust me this is a great big world and there are
“PLEANTY OF FISH’ of all shapes and sizes, so bottom line do not waste your
time on an empty relationship, I sure wont and I know for a fact that I can
have a date every night of the week three times a day with a different women
every time. This may sound pompous and cocky but it is true. My mom would tell
any girl I date that, “If you want to
land Donnie, you better have it going on big time and be on point and amazingly
beautiful both inside and out”. Mom is right I am very picky, and it is
just who I am. I live by the rule to “hit it and for get it”. I know ruthless
right, but what can I say, I am not in any hurry to get my heart broken. Look
here is the deal, to fall in love carries great risk, so far in my life I do
not think I have ever truly fell in love, however I have fallen in lust many
times. But once I get to know these girls, and their true colors start to come
out, I start back peddling and breaking camp as soon as possible. I will give
you a few tips along the way and how I do things, and believe me I do have
style, and women do love me. I’m Just Say’in” So be smart and what ever you do,
“guard your heart guys”, do not get hurt. Love can be very painful, I have
friends both guys and girls in my life that have been devastated by falling in
love with someone to only get cheated on and ran over.
Read
between the lines
- If you’re talking to a woman on the phone and she tells you that she’s seeing
someone, understand that she’s saying this more for herself than for you. She
probably is casually dating another guy, but she’s feeling attracted
to you, so she needs to say this to put on the brakes so she doesn’t feel
“promiscuous.” If you find yourself in this situation, tell her something
challenging like “Yeah, congratulations… and you know, that’s pretty assumptive
thinking that I was trying to pursue you.” She won’t know what to say, and you
will have communicated that you’re a confident guy who doesn’t need any woman
just the kind of guy women LOVE. Don’t be surprised if she calls you back
within a week, telling you she wants to get together and that she’s suddenly
dumped the guy she was dating (for a chance to get to know you, of course).
See
beyond getting laid
- When I first started
learning how to succeed with
women and dating, the idea of getting laid was a lot more interesting to me
than it is now because I thought that if you could learn how to “get laid” then
you’d naturally be able to have any other kind of success you wanted with
women. Well, many of the guys I’ve met who are GREAT at “getting laid” don’t
have any idea how to find a high-quality woman to have a great relationship
with and when they do find one, they have no idea how to keep her around. I
think it’s much more interesting and useful to learn how and why women become
attracted to men, and why they STAY attracted. This way, you’ll be able to keep
that fantastic woman in your life once you find her. There’s nothing wrong with
“getting laid,” but it’s only a tiny piece of the puzzle, and it alone won’t
lead you to happiness and success in life.
Stop
courting, start attracting - There are two basic models for how men approach meeting women:
the courtship model, and the attraction model. If you base your approach with
women on ATTRACTION, you get a very different response from COURTING them. When
you court a woman, her natural response is to run, which makes you want her
more and makes her run more. But when you attract a woman, her natural response
is to chase YOU. This subtlety makes all the difference in the world.
Be the dominant
one - Courting is based on what you DO, what you
OFFER, and what you GIVE… and is largely based on gifts, dinners, flowers,
compliments, etc. Attraction is based on how you communicate, who you are and
your masculine identity. Courting takes the “make friends” strategy and
supersizes it; it’s about being as nice as possible in order to get her to like
you. Attraction
isn’t concerned with “liking” because a woman doesn’t need to like you in order
to feel attracted to you. Courting is facing the challenge; attraction is BEING
the challenge. Courting is about being a follower, submissive and weak;
attraction is about being a leader, dominant and strong. Stop courting, start
attracting, and you won’t BELIEVE how it can transform your success with
women.
Show her
you get it - Women will act completely different around you and treat
you very differently if you’re a guy who “gets it.” The way to show her you’re
one of these rare guys is to see when she’s testing you and keep your cool. So
if she mentions that other men are interested in her or she says she’s
unavailable or she complains about something you do, realize it’s just a test.
Then simply say, “Hey, stop that stuff,” and she’ll know what you mean. More
importantly, she’ll know she’s dealing with a real man, and she’ll stop at no
expense to chase you down.
Stay on
your own course - Most
men orient themselves by following and seeking approval of the woman. She
leads, they follow; in fact, she isn’t even leading, but the man tries to
convince her to lead with questions and body language that seek approval. This
is a horrible mistake, and annoys women to no end. Instead, stay on your
course, even when she’s all over the map. Let her reorient her body, behavior,
moods, and responses to YOURS. Don’t ever try to get her to lead. Show her
you’re the kind of man who loves to be the captain of your own ship, and she’ll
feel an undeniable attraction to you
Never
backpedal or explain yourself - If you say or do something that seems to upset a woman, don’t
try to explain your way out of it or do something to “make her feel better.”
Don’t act like you screwed up or show her that you’re nervous just because
she’s acting upset. Just move on as if nothing happened. Get right on to the
next topic or story. If she stays on it, whines or complains, just say “Get
over it, it was a joke, stop being a pain,” and then get on to the next topic
again. If you try to backpedal or explain yourself or in any way hint that you
think you’ve “screwed up,” you’re DEAD MEAT. If you say something and she
doesn’t like it, that’s not YOUR problem. Women often complain to see if they
can manipulate you with their emotions, and when you show you don’t fall for
this, her respect and ATTRACTION
for you will go through the roof.
Hint
that you’re normal
- There are a lot of psycho, perverted and “mentally unstable” guys out there,
so it’s important you communicate through your behavior that you’re NOT one of
them. Tell a woman you’re busy, and get off the phone WITHOUT asking her to
meet for a date. Make fun of dumb-ass behavior, and other guys who act
like wussies. If she calls but doesn’t leave a message, accuse her of being
a stalker, and tell her that normal people leave messages. Chase women out of
your house; say “get out” over and over again if she’s kissing you. All of this
gives her subtle signs that you’re not some freak who desperately wants to get
in her pants. This will give her an irresistible craving to get to know you
better because you’re so different from the typical needy guys she dates.
Use her
own games on her -
We all know women love playing games. But when you turn the tables and play games
on a woman, it shifts the power dynamic in your favor. One of my favorite games
to play with women is “You’re a brat, and I’m fake exasperated.” That’s pretty
self-explanatory. Some others are “Let’s see who can act the least interested,”
and “I’m hard to get, and you love me.” Have fun playing these games with a
woman and you’ll soon find that she won’t be able to get enough of your
challenging, confident personality. However, I'm
grateful for the lesson though, and I don't think I'll ever plow a lot of time
into investing heavily in the life of a girl I'm not true lovers with ever
again and I am not just talking about sex. So, you don't give girls those things until the two of you are together.
Here
are 5 things that you are not to do early in the relationship;
1. You don't spend a lot of time on
a girl,
2. You don't spend a lot of money on
a girl,
3. You don't talk a whole lot to a
girl,
4. You don't do a lot of things with
a girl,
5. You don't try to help a girl too
much,
And you don't try to revamp her
life, at least until the two of you are
lovers. At that point, if you're sleeping with her and she's sleeping with you,
if you want to spend a lot of time on her, or buy her something nice, or talk
to her all night, or go skiing with her, or help her find a better job, or introduce
her to cool new people yeah, that's cool. But you can't do that stuff before
the two of you are lovers, or you probably will never become lovers. I mean I felt
like our relationship so far was like a covert CIA operation and she has all
these pictures with all these other guys and she is all over every one of them
in the pictures. Girls like this almost always have something going on
underneath the covers with someone other then just you. It’s kind of disrespectful, and if I was to
post pictures like that I would be considered to be a classless PIG. However, to them it is their privet life. Ya
right, the real truth is she has a boyfriend, a few boyfriends, or a sugar
daddy and she does not want to upset her apple cart, plus I’m in a whole other
state. . . I mean who am I chopped
cheese? Hell no, I’m cocky confident and ultimately persuasive with the word
winner written all over me, I’m “Donnie Bolena” the Shark that eats Sharks for
appetizers. I mean really, give me a
break man, I think way too much of my self then to be some secret. If that is
all someone thinks of you then one of two things are going on, either they are
hiding something, or they are in another relationship with another person or
they like someone and they do not want you to know that she is banging you on
the side and banging this guy on a regular basis. I mean really, do I have
“STUPID” tattooed across the top of my forehead? I am so much more worthy of so much better. I
live in a city where the ratio of men to women is nine women to every one man.
To be honest getting a date in my town is like shooting fish in a barrel, it is
so very easy.
There is one more thing my girlfriend Lea said about
guys: I love lea, she is so hot and so real; she said that she likes to
"conquer" guys like me and she used me for an example, as she and I
once dated a few times last year, however now we are just very good friends, (wink,
wink eye role) she is great arm-candy. She said I was a very
handsome, funny and a very, very, charming guy, and I’d been ignoring her. But
once I started chasing her, so she felt she'd won. Look I just wanted to hit
it, I did not want to date Lea, however she did not know this, so for her the
challenge went away, and with it, her desire for me went south, at least until
I stopped showing her attention, and now it’s on again and she is all about me
all over again, and you know why, because I like another girl. I know right, It’s
Crazy? “The Laws of Attraction” is what this is called. Most women aren't as honest as my girlfriend
Lea is with me. But most women, to one extent or another, really do feel this
way. It's not so good an idea to get into the habit of
chasing women; you sabotage yourself when you do. Don't Chase Women, Make Stuff Happen
Instead; Chasing is one of the most poisonous things you can get into doing
with a girl. Once you're chasing, you're done. Almost always, if you disagree, then ask your self this question; how many
women that you've chased after like, really hounded with calling and texting
and begging them to go on dates, how many of those girls have you slept with or
turned into girlfriends? Probably none of them, right? So
why do guys keep doing this? It's an unconscious response, and
it's one you can't control. Chasing is just how people respond to things they
want and can't have. The thing is, the harder you
chase, and the more invested you become, the more and more and more you end up
wanting something, and going crazy over it simply becaue you can’t have it. I
mean think about it, how did you get along this far in your life without her?
Now all of a sudden since you can’t have her the universe stops? Please man,
snap out of it, she is only one small fish in a very big Ocean. Look, Chase
after a job, and you come to want it more and more. Chase after a certain
school you want to attend, and you want to get into that school more and more
desperately. Find a girl
you like and start chasing her, and she transforms from a girl you liked to a
girl you want bad,
to a girl you're crazy
about, to a girl you're head over heels in love with or at least you think you are... it's
more your idea of her as a trophy, than her as a person, especially if you've
been chasing her a long time and not spending much time with her, you probably
don’t even really know her, you just know what she has allowed you to know. What
is worse the entire time you are chasing her, she is banging someone else, and
that is pathetic man, no-one wants to be that guy. You are chasing after ideas
of my having her, and here is another question, what are you going to do with
her once you catch her?
Don't
chase women. It kills their attraction for you, and it's going to
tear you up inside pursuing a girl who's because you're chasing her forced to
start running away. Here's what you do instead: You keep things simple, direct,
and to-the-point. You only use texting and phone
calls for a very little
bit of getting to know a girl.
You primarily use
texting and phone calls for setting up dates and handling logistics, sell her
on you in person, not over the phone. You get her out soon
after meeting her, and then move fast. If
she's in a social circle and you've known her for a few months, you need to make
a big push to get her out, and close the deal then. Aim to get
together with girls on Date #1. Why? Because she's out with
you, and there's a good chance life intervenes and there never is a Date #2,
even if Date #1 goes reasonably well. Also, the chance that a girl sleeps with
you on Date #1 is higher than Date #2 and way higher than Date #3 in most cases. Even
conservative girls yep, still will sleep with you on Date #1 if you handle things
appropriately most times. A few notes on this one: don't ask girls, because
they'll tell you of course that won't happen. And before you say girls won't go
to bed with you on Date
#1, answer me this: how many times have you tried? For
your own sanity, adopt a cut off mark for girls. e.g., you
might say, "Okay, if we aren't lovers after Date #3, she and I are
done." Of course, to make this legitimate, you need to be trying to get
together with her too you need to tell her to come home with you at the end of
Date #1 and/or 2, and if she doesn't, you need to try again at the end of Date
#3. If she still doesn't, write her off and break camp, because it’s not going
to happen, and like I said earlier if they are dropping panties on date one,
chances are there will not be a date two with me anyways. After you adopt a cut off
mark, add a conditional exception. e.g., for
me, I have a few exceptions to my one-date rule. If a girl's really
exceptional, and I really, really like her and I think she'd make a great girlfriend, I might
see her one or two more times if we don't sleep together on Date #1 and I'll
try to make it happen then. If she's not as exceptional, then I'll have the
condition that if she wants to come over and hang out at my place, we can do
that, but otherwise, I won't invest any more time into her. So like a girl I've
been on a date with who wouldn't go home with me, normally I'd write her off,
but if she started texting that she wanted to meet up, I'd text her back,
"Honestly, I've been doing so much lately that I really can't get out from
under a pile of work. I could chill though, make yourself look busy even if
your not and say no even if it kills you, make her want you. Then later on a
few hours later, send her a text and tell her that you could come by, we'll
cook some food or order a pizza, and just kick back and watch a movie. Then “GAME ON
So here is the deal when understanding the “Rules of
attraction” Getting some rules like this up and running get you keeping your
cool a lot more easily, streamlines your dating a lot, and really ups your results. You become
lovers with more girls, higher quality girls, and you get the girls you want. Wait, you might say, how does being aggressive and ruthless like
this help you get the girls you want? Won't those amazing high quality women be
scared off by guys like me? Well, that's a completely understandable
concern. However the answer is absolutely “NO”. Here's why, you become the
hunted and she becomes the hunter, and that is called controlled
manipulation and I am an expert at it. Just think of what happens when you meet an
amazing girl that you really, really like. Maybe she's incredibly beautiful;
maybe she's got a killer personality. Maybe both.
So what do you do? You go really, really slow, try not to mess
stuff up... and then you don't get her. She fades away, and you
end up becoming upset that she isn't responding to your calls or texts anymore,
simply because a. she never really liked you or b. she lost interest in you. So
why's having a solid process like this help you get the girls you want to get? Because even incredibly beautiful girls,
and girls with killer personalities, and girls who have both,
are still just GIRLS. And they still all respond to exactly the
same stuff. They still all want a man who's going to man up and make stuff
happen, you have to excite her, make her want to be with you every day, and you
can not force this, you just need to be genuine, sincere, funny and kind, be a
gentleman, and all the guys who aren't
doing all of these things will get to go cool their heels in the friend zone
and spend the next couple of months or years chasing after them until they
finally give up and go repeat the process with some other girl. Don't be one of those guys. Don't chase women; don't go crazy holding out
for that one special girl. Understand that past a certain mark,
she really is lost, and that trying to get her back is like trying to get back
a job offer again once the opportunity's already passed you by because you took
too long to take action and seize that opportunity. Sure, maybe if you hound
the people at that company like crazy, they'll eventually hire you. Probably
not, but maybe. And sure, maybe if you hound that girl like crazy, she'll
eventually date you. Probably not, but maybe. But yeah, really probably not. .
. That Sucks to hear, I know. You've
been throwing a huge amount of time into chasing after a girl, for a long time,
investing all kinds of your time and energy and effort and everything else into
trying to get her, and all the while she's long since moved on and sees you as
a friend or a guy she's "conquered" or is keeping on the back burner
"just in case." But what's encouraging is knowing that next time with
all the other women you're going to meet in your life and trust me there will me many more, and you
can do it right. Just like you're probably not going to get that job that you
had a shot at but didn't take the shot for and now it's gone, so it is with
women you had a shot with but waited too long to take that shot. But just as
there are plenty more jobs out there you can do it right with next time, so too
are there plenty more women out there you can do it right with next time, too. You've
just got to make sure you seize the opportunity, and push for the close. So
from this point forward you need to know that it is ok to bait the hook,
however do not let her steal your bait and leave, you need to set that hook in
her mouth and then land her, she may even give you a great fight, and this is
when you need to keep your cool, but keep the line tight, she will be beautiful
to watch as she comes out dancing on top of the water with a set hook and a
tight line as you are slowly reeling her in, and once you land her, then Love
her, because more then likely, she is a keeper ~ Donnie Bolena
