I have to admit I kind of find it perplexing, what we are learning in this new era in the 21st century is that HATE sells, and the truth is, it comes right in there behind sex. As we all know Sex sells and makes big money, well now Hate has now come into the BLACK to help many company’s and individuals get more attention and come out of the RED. ‘Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. Really? Hummmm? We have all heard this expression as kids. While this may have seemed like a great tactic to use on the playground in self-defense, words actually CAN and DO hurt, and the pain caused from them often lingers long past the healing time of any cut or broken bone. Some words can cause pain that may never go away, or create an “invisible” scar that one carries around their entire life. The memory of painful words can lead to a lifetime of anxiety, stress, anger, resentment, and fear, among other feelings.
Using words as weapons is as old as human language, but we don't give it the attention that it deserves. In the past few decades we have come a long way in recognizing and understanding the damage that physical and sexual abuse can do, but there are still many who don't realize that words can be at times, more powerful then using our fists to talk for us. We all need to think about the impact of our words on others. The New Testament writer James said that even though the human tongue is a small part of the body, it has the power to make a tremendous impact. The book of Proverbs reminds us that the tongue has the power of life and death (18:21). The language we use to communicate with one another is like a knife. In the hands of a skillful surgeon, a knife can do very good. But in the hands of a careless or ignorant person it can cause a great deal of harm. Your words can cause harm way too often; we may say something without thought. We may believe what we are saying is right and believe are words will help. In fact, we can still cause damage with our words. We may be challenging a person’s way of thinking or actions. While we may all be speaking the same language, words can be misinterpreted or misread. Sometimes clarification or further questioning is needed to understand the meaning behind the words. Despite our best intentions, we can still cause pain with our words. Do you keep track of how many times you say something that can hurt someone else? Who doesn’t repeat a little bit of gossip here and there? Whether it’s true or false, we can still cause harm with our words. Now, let’s take a look at some good people who have profited from others Hate comments. Make room on the Tim Tebow hate wagon for Boomer Esiason. The CBS broadcaster is the latest NFL analyst to blast the former Denver Broncos quarterback who is now with the Jets on a big money trade deal to make room for Peyton Manning. Bommer said “Tim Tebow can't play. He can't throw," Esiason said at a CBS press event in
Watch what you say, say what you mean,
and mean what you say. We are all inevitably prone to hurting someone with our
words, even when it is unintentional. No one can live their life walking on
eggshells every single day that is just not realistic. But one choice we can
all make is to be aware of what we are saying and its impact on others. After
all, words have started and ended wars. We can think before we speak and choose
words that we actually truly mean to use. Think about how your words will sound
and be interpreted by the recipient and Boomer was very verbal in saying “What
ever He saw in him God only knows. Maybe God does know because the rest of us
don't,” Last week Boomer was at it again, I guess he needed ratings for his Cincinnati
Radio Show , so how better to get ratings then to attack Tim Tebow, Americas New
Golden Child and Insult him? What a great marketing move by Boomer, he
is most certainly a better PR man then he was a QB, he was mediocre at best. In
reality Boomer Esiason could not hold Tim Tebows Jock strap. Tim Tebow is a polarizing
figure and where he goes the masses will follow. I’m not sure, but I think
Boomer played back in the 70’s for Cincinnati
We also can remember the reaction of the Gays after the comment by Dan Cathy, the president of Chick-fil-A. The Gays went crazy and set out to try in a futile attempt to get the sympathy of the Nation behind them when they attacked The Cathy’s and The Chick-fil-A company in a complete failure of a “Same Sex Marriage” kiss day on the door steps of the Chick-fil- A company, and now the gays planed another failed attempt with Star Bucks and fell flat on their face again. Man, these gays just don’t get it?
The Bible teaches that a kind word can uplift, nourish, and mend a broken heart. Proverbs 16:24 says "Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones." Words can restore confidence, hope and purpose to a spouse who felt dejected, lost or confused. We all are familiar with the tauntings in the schoolyard when we were children, "Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me." I wish that were true saints of God... the fact is... unkind words do injure our spirits and sometimes deeply. Being yelled at or called "stupid", "idiot", etc especially by a spouse, can inflict a wound that will take years to heal. We often fail to take seriously the power of the tongue to assault and its ability to devastate entire lives. A few inconsiderate words can kill the spirit of a spouse, child, or parent. Proverbs 12:18 states that "reckless words pierce like a sword." James also went on to describe the tongue as being "full of deadly poison." Asked about how he’s been coping with criticism, Tebow responded,” I’ve heard a lot of it. Coming out of high school, saying I couldn't be a high-school quarterback. When I was in college, my first year, people saying you'll never be a quarterback and never win a national championship, you'll never play in the NFL. I've heard a lot of it and I continue to use it as motivation.” Choose words for kindness. Be the better person, connect to your higher self and make a point to use your words to make others feel good, not bad. As wise man once wrote, “Kind words do not cost much. They never blister the tongue or lips. They make other people good-natured. They also produce their own image on men’s souls, and a beautiful image it is.” Choose to be one who takes the high road; don’t act like Boomer or Bill Maher who actually called Tim Tebow a Douche Bag? Mayer also went on to say in a tweet "Wow, Jesus just f***ed #TimTebow bad! And on Xmas Eve! Somewhere ... Satan is tebowing, saying to Hitler "Hey,
Tim Tebow vs. Bill Maher? Actually it’s more like Tebow fans, and right wing advocates, vs. Maher in a Christmas Twitter controversy. It seems that the noted atheist and host of HBO’s Real Time with Bill Maher was so delighted with Buffalo’s win over Denver on Saturday that he had to rub it a bit. And by “a bit,” I mean a lot. Some of it is not fit for a God-fearing, family blog such as this laughter. Still, it’s pretty raw. You’ve been warned. Which poses the question, What Would Jesus Tweet? If Jesus were on Twitter, how would he react to Maher’s comments? And would He use hash tags? “Hmm, does Wired Magazine have a religion section”? Tebow himself has remained silent. Maher was thrown out from a previous talk show on ABC, Politically Incorrect, in part because of controversial comments he made following the 9-11 attacks. Maher said, and I’m paraphrasing, that the attackers were a lot of things, but they weren’t cowards. Does his tweet rise to that level of controversy? And does HBO care? The show is on break right now. Does this mean that we should never cease to cause pain with our words? No. There is a time for that when situations require the compassionate and skillful use of incisive words that may cause pain initially but we all need correction, constructive criticism and admonition at times. Even though they are necessary... the words can still hurt but this is not the kind of pain that harms. It is intended to make us grow as Christians and warriors for Christ. Unfortunately in many cases, a loving motive is missing in the pain we cause with our words. It's far more likely that we use certain words to attack one another. Verbal warfare is much too common in many marriages. Conflict is unavoidable in marriages. Because each partner brings his or her own perspective and emotional and sometimes even financial baggage to the union. In healthy relationships, most of these disagreements are resolved in a nondestructive manner. Although married couples may strongly disagree, many learn how to work through their conflicts in a positive way that allows them to disagree with each other in a controlled and respectful manner. However, many couples go through a season where they misuse their words in the midst of conflict. Saints, we know where that comes from...The devil will use any door he can to enter into a harmonious relationship. Sadly, all of us have been guilty to some extend of fighting unfairly and not trying to resolve differences as much as we are trying to manipulate, win or get even.
The Devil
Way to take a timely stand, Boomer. I don't recall hearing these strong words before Tebow is battling to be the Jets quarterback. Earlier this week I watched Merril Hoge take a harsh, anti-Tebow stance on ESPN. In hindsight, he was way off the mark on that one. It's fine to rip on NFL Tebow. Lord knows he got enough adulation when he was in college. All this kicking him when he's down is too easy, though. We know he has played some terrible football; but he's not fighting for a roster spot. Piling on at this point is lazy. We can all sound brilliant when we're stating an opinion on something that's already come true. Here, watch, Ryan Leaf doesn't have the attitude to win in this league. You know, I think this housing bubble seems too good to be true. Nobody is going to want to watch a movie about both cowboys and aliens and "Why don't you read a book tonight instead, President Lincoln?" Analysts go against the grain for once and stake your claim to something unpopular. The Eagles aren't going to be as good as everyone thinks. Maybe
Donnie Bolena
In the first
experiment, researchers asked the participants to imagine situations that
corresponded with words associated with pain such as
"excruciating," "paralyzing," and "grueling" as well as negative but non-pain associated words such as "dirty" and
"disgusting" and neutral and positive words. In the second
experiment, the participants read the same words but were distracted by a
brainteaser. The results showed that in both cases there was a clear response
in the brain's pain-processing centers with the words associated with pain, but
there was no such activity pattern in response to the other words. Researchers
say preserving painful experiences as memories in the brain may have been an
evolutionary response to allow humans to avoid painful situations that might be
dangerous. "However, our results suggest as well that verbal stimuli have
a more important meaning than we have thought so far," says Weiss. Researchers
say the findings may be especially significant for people with chronic pain
disorders who tend to speak a lot about their painful experiences with their
health care providers. They say those conversations may intensify the activity
of the pain matrix in the brain and intensify the pain experience. So how
are words used to control and attack? Knowingly or unknowingly, all of us who
are married have used our words to control and hurt our mates. Although the
ways we do this can vary in intensity from one relationship to the next, the
following is a brief description of the most common tactics couples use to
control and attack each other.
Words do Hurt Married Couples
Guilt
trips are an effective means of controlling people or punishing people. When
spouses are able to make their partners feel guilty for disagreeing with them
or challenging them, they gain power over their mates. The guilt trip
vocabulary can be as straightforward as "I hope you're happy now" or
"What took you so long?" Or it can be more subtle "It's always
my fault." For instance, one wife got this response from her husband
whenever she pointed out one of his mistakes. He was experienced at making her
feel guilty for mentioning anything negative about him. Faultfinding
puts spouses under a barrage of criticism. From how they take care of their
things, to how they manage their money, to how they look, to how they drive the
car, spouses can pick apart and lecture their mates. Whether it's occasional or
ongoing, faultfinding allows spouses who are dishing it out to feel superior and
makes their partners feel inferior. Name-calling is applying a negative word or
phrase to a spouse's deficiency. Derogatory names like stupid, lazy, idiot,
jerk, dumb, or cry baby are used to make a partner feel small and worthless.
Spouses may also resort to character assassinations like "You've never
been much of a wife" or "You'll never amount to anything." Yelling
occasionally occurs in many marriages. Shouting or blowing up and screaming
statements like "What's your problem!" or "Just shut up and
leave me alone!" intimidates a partner. It allows the spouse who is
yelling to feel strong and makes the other feel weak, defeated, or terrified of
doing or saying anything that might provoke another attack. Sarcasm is another
method of control, and it is often a thinly veiled attack. Sarcastic responses
such as "whatever" or "sure" especially accompanied by
rolled eyes, discounts and condemns a partner's point of view. Sarcasm
obviously doesn't set the mood for honest discussion. Instead, it frustrates
partners and sabotages the conversation in a way that leaves the offending
spouse in charge and on top.
And of course there is blaming and putdowns which are an attempt to make their spouses feel foolish and small. What does God have to say in this? The Bible doesn't take any kind of selfish domination lightly. Seeing the tears of the oppressed and observing that power was on the side of their oppressors, the writer of Ecclesiastes concluded that it can seem better to be dead than to be alive and oppressed(Eccl,4:1-2). Oppression (depression) is not the mutual love and respect that God intended between a husband and a wife. Instead, it's more like a dictatorship, one spouse lording authority over the other. To reinforce control, spouses with the most power, may try to isolate their mates from family and friends. To love is to seek the best interests of our spouses. Love means we care deeply for our spouses even though they have lost our trust. Second, love confronts and addresses sinful patterns in the lives of our partner, even if that upsets them or makes them uncomfortable. Jesus, who loved perfectly, was at times confrontational. He aggressively confronted and chased the money lenders out of the temple who were cheating people with their inflated prices. There were moments when He made sharp remarks to others.
Jesus, however, confronted not to get even with His enemies but to wake up those who didn't realize the damage they were doing. He confronted to give offenders the opportunity to acknowledge their sin, to repent, and to find the forgiveness of God. In the same way, husbands and wives should lovingly confront each other out of a desire to see their mates come to their senses and be reconciled to God and themselves. While we know that verbal battles happen in every marriage, reasonable and fair-minded people realize that there is a line between normal martial conflict and severe verbal and emotional abuse. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that when a dominant spouse begins using words to habitually control and attack a critical line has been crossed. The marriage has become a one-sided, verbally abusive relationship where love and respect have been replaced by self-centered power and control. When the line between normal martial conflict and severe verbal abuse is increasingly crossed, the relationship becomes oppressive. Partners stand less and less on equal ground. One spouse doesn't have the freedom to say no or to express his or her views and opinions. The other has most, if not all, of the power, and almost everything must happen on the controlling spouse's terms or else. Who are the abusive oppressors? Experience and research tell us that husbands are usually the ones who are verbally controlling, but many wives are guilty as well. While husbands commit most of the physical abuse that occurs in marriage, both husbands and wives have the potential to dominate their spouses with their words.
How do spouses use words to oppress? Spouses who regularly oppress and control their partners employ the same verbal tactics used by all spouses - they just use them more frequently and with greater intensity and malice. The sarcasm is more biting, and the blaming is more intense. They also use tactics such as threatening, demanding, and invalidating. An extremely controlling husband might say to his wife for example, "I don't know what's wrong with you. Do you really think that anyone will take you seriously?" Verbally abusive words can hurt at any level. But we are left with damage that is more extensive when the abuse becomes extreme. You can't see the bruises, as you can with physical abuse but nevertheless... they are there on the inside. And there are often long term effects of living with an irrational, belittling spouse because they feel as if they are going crazy or there is no escape. When this happens, the mistreatment smothers the glory and honor God has given each of us as His creatures made in His image. We can take some positive steps to turn this around. Recognize the problem. Your perceptions and opinions are legitimate. God made you and He doesn't make mistakes. He wants you to feel loved, safe, peaceful and in control of your emotions. Sometimes it helps to keep a journal of how and when your spouse verbally dominates or assaults you so you can understand the patterns of control and manipulation. Please understand though it is for your understanding, not revenge.
Record keeping of offenses is what God does for us, "And no weapon formed against you shall prosper." Conduct a careful self-examination and own up to your response to the abuse. You are, of course, in no way responsible for your spouse's verbal mistreatment. Owning your response helps to keep powerlessness and bitterness from taking root in your heart. Fear which accompanies such abuse reveals hesitancy on our part to entrust our well-being to God. Painful events in our lives may have caused us to doubt the heart of God. Does He care? Will He protect us? These questions eat away at our faith when there is reason to wonder if He will be there for us when we need Him. Although we may have doubts, God does hear our cries for help. Our Father waits for us to return and put our trust in Him. It is here that we can truly learn the meaning of Proverbs 29:25 which says, "Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe." In the assurance of His forgiveness, we can find the courage and desire to respond properly to a verbally controlling spouse-less out of fear and more out of love. Jesus said, "If your brother sins against you, rebuke him and if he repents, forgive him." God forgives those who honestly confess their sin and entrust themselves to His mercy. He does not promise to remove all natural consequences of the wrong. Instead, He releases the offender from the guilt and the offended from the anger that would otherwise make mutual love impossible. Jesus teaches us to love our enemies. Loving those who hurt us doesn't come easy. We all need time to get to the place where we want to show love to those who have hurt us so much. Releasing the right of vengeance to God is what gets the bitterness out of our hearts. Cancelling the un-payable debt of a repentant mate is what distinguishes us as a people who have been forgiven by God. We are all on common ground at the foot of the cross of Christ. It makes us aware that if we are not willing to love others as God loves us; we ourselves are in desperate need of the mercy and love of God in our lives. Let's be thankful that His offer of mercy is still available to us . . . ~ Donnie Bolena
